Your mom is made in China

I think I just discovered what the plot of what Mission Impossible 7 should be: picture this Tom Cruise all sweaty, nipples hard  and going into Banana Republic going through rack after rack of clothes, close up to his dilated pupils and he sheds a single tear then move down to his quivering mouth and he quietly says"...My god....it's all made in...in...China...". Well if it is just being brought to your attention that nearly everything that can be sold essentially is made in Asia, then someone needs to give you a purple nurple or just punch you in the temple. For years now China has grabbed the U.S by the ballios and has been making a killing making everything, and for incredibly cheap. They're making an incredible profit because they use shoddy materials and sometimes they'll even throw in some led or diethylene glycol, suprise! that barbie's flammable too!  This all was brought to my attention when my beautiful stubborn as mule mother began boycotting chinese made products, not only has she made it abundantly clear to our family that she won't buy from China but if we're in a store she'll go an octave higher while saying to the store clerk "I don't buy chinese products". Being that the coconut doesn't fall far from the palm tree, I have also been keeping my ojo's open while seeing where the things I buy are made. I guarantee 90%(if not more) of the things in your home are from China or Indonesia or Korea or Taiwan etc. Now it wasn't too long ago that Americans could be proud to say they were from USA, we were the number one country in the world, we had our shizzle togizzle,  we were importing and exporting like Vandalay industries, job opportunities were fruitful, and people named "Snooki" weren't famous, needless to say business was booming, and people actually cared about the Dow and Nasdaq because it wasn't such a joke. Now you can say tomato about how we went downhill and I can say clamato but the fact of the matter is we went down like a hooker trying to get out of a ticket. And we somehow ended up in the lap of China. They make everything and when I say everything I mean they make it all from toilets to graham crackers. Next time you're in a parking lot just take a look at all the Hyundai's, Toyota's, Kia's, Suzuki's and Shitzu's.  Now when you become like me and start looking at the tags, you'll see the companies are trying to pull the wool over our eyes and say things like "assembled in USA" so then it's like "oh ok so now you're bringing the chinese puzzle pieces over and having the mexicans put them together here" sorry Kemosabe try again. Do you guys remember the fabled stimulus bill well it kind of backfired a little something like this, Obama gave money back to people that went and bought a bunch of shit to "stimulate" our economy, I know what you're thinking it sounds smart and it sounds sexual. Well it would've been smart except for everything that was bought was brought to you by CHINA. So we actually just stimulated their economy to the point of blue balls. And it's not even just the fact that we're helping their economy, they're emitting poisons into all these things we buy. Toothpaste made with a chemical also put in antifreeze, lead in children's toys, wheat gluten in dog food that was contaminated with melamene. With all due respect to Asia, but it's a filthy continent that is wayyyy overpopulated and must just have disease chillin at your neighborhood grocery store, and I said with all due respect, but it's scary and I don't even think there is a book over there in which to follow. It's been said it's a dog eat dog world and they take it seriously over there, like they eat dog and sparrow and things I didn't even know existed. I mean don't you think it's sad that our fancy ipods and espresso machines were most likely made by an 11 year old with a fly-on-face problem? I think it's a crying shame because I also don't think anything will change, because when your at Target buying bowls your going to buy the cheaper bowls. Or if you're shopping and you have enough money to either buy one nice French Connection blouse or 5 from Forever 21, unfortunately you're most likely going to go skank it up at F21 where the smell of pleather is so thick you can cut it with a butter knife. That brings me to a whole other enchilada, even good named brands, expensive brands, are having their things made in effing china!!? I'm sure as hell not buying a pair of heels for 180 U.S dollhairs that were made in Indo for 50,000 rupiahs ($2). Since when did quantity rudely replace quality? I want names and addresses and then I want about 100 dozens of eggs. Seriously we're loading the guns ourselves, providing the red blindfold and lighting our own damn cigarettes. I want everyone that reads this to go a few days without buying anything from china, not to be  trying to boycott anything but just so you can see the madness for yourselves. Become aware son! It's coo I promise

Move over Hogwarts!!

A $578 million dollar school in L.A? This is the worst thing that has come from California since the KKK (Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian). Did I just dream that California was balls deep in debt? Man, with a price tag like that this school better have an engine and wings to burst out into space. Seriously though is this a joke, I think Ahnold may be suffering from blackouts and thought he was Detective John Kimble in Kindergarten Cop the sequel, or maybe this is P. Diddy’s newest reality show on MTV. It’s a K-12 school that houses 4200 students, now who is going to be teaching these students is a whole other story, seen as how teachers will probably have to be paid in trident gum. Maybe that’s why L.A could afford it, they’re taking that commercial way too seriously, I’m afraid you won’t be able to walk down a street in California without slipping on all the marbles that apparently everyone has lost. Ok I need to just get this off my chest, STOP THINKING WE’RE RAPPER RICH AND CAN AFFORD TO BE SPENDING MONEY ON VELVET CHAIRS, GOLDEN PROTRACTORS AND P.F CHANGS SCHOOL LUNCHES! That money could’ve been used to put teachers back in the classroom and good books back into students’ hands. I am so not going to be surprised when teachers that have been laid off go Woo Bum-kon on everyone’s asses.  Now how they’re justifying this is that kids learn better in more pleasant surroundings. Ok first of all I think that the only thing kids will learn from this school is that they better take advantage of being in such a luxurious setting because in about 5 years we’re going to be living in a barren wasteland run by Communists. Second of all you don’t need marble clad classrooms for kids to learn how to conjugate verbs. I can’t help but shake in my Lucchese boots in fear for the future of the United States, I mean what’s next a 600 million dollar Costco with hovering grocery carts and brew your own beer and diamond studded tampons? Come on let’s pull ourselves together here USA, we can’t be as dumb as we’re portraying ourselves especially now with multi-million dollar schools, those kids better come out of there smarter than God himself. I will admit that the architecture expressed is genius and am glad that kids will be exposed to something so great but will they all really appreciate it or take it for granted and stick gum under the mahogany desks. I guess we shall see. 

Blogs Schmogs

Three years ago if you were to have told me I was going to be writing a blog I probably would've kicked you in the plums, maybe even taken some money from you for a sundae. Essentially, I didn't even know what a blog was and the word just rubs me the wrong way, but being older and much much, much wiser (thank you wisdom teeth removal) I think the idea is brilliant, there are a lot of psychopaths running around out there that need to be writing while that mouse up there is running, or reading all of the interesting things that other psychopaths have to say. But at the age of 22 and living on a ranch 20 some miles away from the Mexican border, I find now is just a good a time as any. So that brings me to the first topic of Paulytics, The Mexican Border. In the great words of Eddie Money, "So we rode late in the night like fires on the desert sand
'til one day the posse caught us 'cause the sheriff always gets his man, Give me some water 'cause I killed a man on the Mexican border cool cool water I need a little water". I'm not going to get in the depths of the meaning of the song but I just want to highlight the fact that the sheriff does not always get his man but he sure gets close especially these days. The other night my mom found the border patrol strolling through our backyard with flashlights. I would just like to make it known that having lived here and visiting here practically my whole life I have yet to see one wetback, border crosser, mojado or illegal alien. It's almost as though their some mythological creature just leaving clues behind, such as empty gallons of water, food city grocery bags and chile limon sabritas, if I didn't know any better I would think they were leaving a trail for the rest of the Fernandez family. Driving into the city part, if you can call it that, of Nogales you can see the great wall of gringos looking like a furrowed brow on a face. I suppose I would call my opinion of the illegal immigration matter ambivalent, because on one hand yes, they are taking some job opportunities away from U.S citizens, but on a completely different hand there are illegal immigrants from all over the world but its only the Mexicans that are being ostracized. I totally think racism is the hand being played here. It has been stated that white supremecsist groups had been pushing the passed law through to legalize discrimination.  As a member of the BPA (brown people association) I will be super pissed if I get stopped because I have dark coloring, not only because thats racist but because my driver's license is suspended and I am currently riding dirty. I think everyone needs to get off the meanie train and hop on to the friends forever railroad all colors allowed, yes even you Grimace with your purple hue. Unfortunately racism is force that has been just underneath the surface for hundreds of years, and I don't think will be going away anytime soon, but if we shine enough light on it now hopefully soon we'll be able to pinpoint the sources. Right now as an Arizonianite I want to find out more about Sheriff Joe Arpaio and find out how he puts his pants on in the morning, I'll bet he drinks his coffee black, like his heart!!! So stay tuned