Stoner Jams 2010

Cannabis, Whackatabacky, Juan Valdez, Goblet of Jam, Alice B. Toklas, these are a few of the things I wish everyone would shut up about. I don't know if maybe I took a bad toke (and yes I said toke, how you like me now) but I really don't see all the bo jangles about weed. Weed to me is the annoying friend that takes facebook pictures of themselves in the bathroom and quotes Wedding Crasher's on a daily basis, it's just there, stinking up your closet and totally unneccasary and pointless. It makes you paranoid, it makes you forget and it makes you think 911 knows the number to Jimmy Johns. So please enlighten me why it's so important that we legalize it? Believe me I am aware of most of the arguments but I fail to understand the importance; I suppose this is the instance where weed would make the explanation so much more enthralling. First point: Medical Usage, ok it was fine in the beginning, it was even amusing, but if your depressed I think the last thing you need is to smoke something that will make you think that if you can't recite a soliloquy from Cat in the Hat your dog ( that died 3 years ago) is going to burst out of your refridgerator and rip your face off. If you have Cancer then yes, you should be smoking like gift wrap in a fire. Second point: Stopping drug wars, as stated previously before me, what about cocaine, heroine, meth, mdma, boullion or whatever the kids are raving to these days, if we legalize marijuana it will be the same sad story with every other drug out there. The drug wars will continue to flourish as long as the crack babies still have a pipe in their hand. Third Point: Money, it has been said that if we were to "legalize it" it would make a massive profit, but think about it, everyone and their great Uncle Murray will be growing to earn an extra buck. Also, how are they going to be taxing this? I think some greasy congressman fat cats are trying to jedi mind trick us into thinking legalizing schmoke is a Denny's grand slam. But what I think is going down is it will be just another way for the government to make money and not in the good way, just think about it, they will be sure to create a grab-bag full of fun new laws that potheads country wide will be sure to break. Smoking and driving, $$$$$$, we're a country poorer than the Crachitt family and the current DUI industry is cashing in faster than you can say Jagerbombs. People high as George Jetson are bound to do stupid shite and the esteemed law enforcers of our country will no doubt be hiding out behind every Taco Bell to bust some ass. I can just see it now GRASS grandmothers really against silly stoners. Now for those of you that think that if alcohol is legal then marijuana should be as well, well might I just say that prohibition doesn't work, indubitably, you cant ween a hungry baby from the teet and we are the baby and alcohol is the teet. Also this teet earns hundreds of billions of dollars a year. It's stated that 3750 should be legalized because it isn't as dangerous as booze, drinking and driving causes more deaths than any marijuana involved accident. This is, to a certain extent, arguable go rent "Reefer Madness" and then we'll talk. I can't help but feel bitter towards yerba mala because I have a secret fear of stoners, they just give me the creeps with their untamed coifs, hillbilly chuckle and incessant craving for melted blocks of sharp cheddar cheese. Now its time for me to get camp counselor on you, marijuana is what I like to call a "gateway drug", don't you think once its legal people will try to find another high perhaps chase the white pony or just sit behind a dumpster and shove some crack rocks up their nose. But this is a case where we just have to sit back and watch the bud florets fall while singing Cumbaya my lord Cumbaya indeed. Tell me your thoughts!!